Ally H.

Air Force Spouse

Spouses in the Fight

Wife. Mother. Friend. Military Spouse. Key Spouse Mentor. Spouses’ Club President. Suicide Survivor (both attempted and loss of a loved one). Teacher. Leader. Advocate.

I have many “labels'' and they all encompass who I am as a person. Some of those “labels” haven't always been the most positive, but they are a part of my story. They have changed over the years as I’ve grown and faced different hardships. That change is a beautiful thing. I didn’t get to where I am alone, though.

I am a teacher by trade. Growing up, that’s all I ever wanted to be, so I went to college and got my degree in Elementary Education. While I attended school, just about every job I took on had some tie to either kids or teaching. My degree now sits collecting dust as I am figuring out what I want to be when I grow up, but the teacher in me has never gone away. It’s just a part of me that I love to take what I know and share it with others. It’s because of this characteristic that I stepped up to become a Key Spouse. There are so many resources the military bases and surrounding communities offer, but a lot of them are underutilized because people don’t know they are there. As a Key Spouse, I get to help highlight all of these amazing resources and programs available to military families, as well as help families in times of need.

Speaking of resources. I had been a military spouse for 7 years before I truly understood what a spouse’s club was. I vaguely remember attending an event in Altus hosted by the Spouses’ Club, but I went home still not quite understanding what it was or why I should join. It wasn’t until my friends, fellow book club members, started talking about the Scott Spouses’ Club and the Board they volunteered with. It was these ladies who kind of pushed me to be President of SSC. I definitely had reservations as I had never even participated in a spouses’ club or led anything that large, but although we faced several hurdles throughout the year, I feel like I grew and learned so much about myself, being a military spouse, and the mission and reach of spouses’ clubs. There are so many people, several have become lifelong friends, that I never would have met if it weren’t for the spouses’ club bringing us together. It was that 1 year of experience that made me a huge advocate for spouses’ clubs, so when my husband got orders and we PCSed, I knew the spouses’ club would be 1 of my first stops, and I’d immediately jump into being a volunteer on the Board.

Clearly, I enjoy helping others and spreading knowledge. I feel like a lot of that is because of what happened on December 6, 2007. That morning, I woke up surrounded by darkness. I decided I was a nobody, meant little to anyone, or those I did mean something to would be better off without me, and I attempted to take my own life. I ended up in the hospital for a few days and then moved to a mental health facility. Over the years, I had learned to hide my battle with depression and anxiety, so I knew the “right” things to say to get back to my life. I didn’t entirely lie, I no longer wanted to die, but I also wasn’t fully honest with how I felt with the doctors, nor myself. Over the years, I continued to struggle, and there were times when darkness exploited my fears and insecurities, but I never attempted again, even though some of those days I really wanted to. I had made a promise to my boyfriend at the time, now my husband, that I would never do that again.

Around the time I was President of SSC, the darkness almost took hold, where although I made the promise, things were hard, too hard, and I was tired of fighting. I didn’t attempt again, I did keep my promise, even if I really wanted to give in to the darkness. I ended up getting some very hard truths from a former friend, which, for whatever reason, really opened my eyes and resonated with me to such an extent that my entire mindset of things changed. I realized my worth and that I was responsible for my own happiness. Others aren’t mind readers, and if and when I need help, I need to speak up.

In 2017, we ended up losing my Dad ultimately to suicide. Having been in his position, of the darkness being all encompassing, I understood. That understanding of the darkness hasn’t fully helped deal with the grief of his loss from our lives and this world; 6 years later and his presence and light are still greatly missed. All of this pain and longing maybe could have been avoided if he had just spoken up to someone, anyone.

For me, 2023 marks 16 years of life, of experiences, of relationships and friendships that I almost gave up completely. I have an amazing husband, who makes none of what I do possible if not for him. I have 3 remarkable boys who drive me nuts, but I love them more than anything. Over the past 16 years, I’ve been able to teach and work with elementary and high school students, some of whom still keep in touch years later. I have met so many incredible people and have had an influence in their lives, some just a small influence and others a larger impact. I don’t say that to sound conceited but to advocate that the darkness whispering in your ear, magnifying and exploiting those fears and insecurities you have, is temporary, and you will go on and impact so many people. I have been able to lead and participate in spouses’ clubs that work to better life for military families and the surrounding communities. I have been able to utilize that teacher in me and share my knowledge of resources available to families as a Key Spouse and Key Spouse Mentor.

I am who I am today because of the experiences I have had and the numerous people who have come (and gone) from my life. This is my story.